As narrator of your 3-part life, you’ll see repeated themes, a protagonist, driving forces, and plot twists. Perhaps you’re like Mackenzie in William Young’s bestseller, The Shack, seeking the “why” behind a tragedy. Or perhaps you’re more like Herman Melville’s Captain Ahab tragically defined by your “Moby Dick.”
Regardless, your story will have a narrative arc. As I narrate mine for you, take a closer look at your own arc, to see where it leads you.
But I digress. I was raised in a NYC suburb (Pleasantville, pop 7000), an hour’s commute of the Big Apple. Played every sport, some with Dad as coach, always with Mom our biggest fan. Spent my formative pre-teen years at summer-long camps in NH, which shaped my lifelong love of camping, canoeing, hiking, sailing.
As captain of an undefeated football team, I enjoyed the great esteem and respect of my peers, but it took a Vince Lombardi-like football coach to steer me clear of my careless, undisciplined ways. Regarded a “good person” and voted “Most Likely to Succeed” (as football captain, Senior Class President, graduating Summa Cum Laude). Though successful by worldy standards, I was living apart from God, confused in my values, and lost (e.g., at 1969 Woodstock, need I say more). Lost without the One who is “the Way and the Truth and the Life” (John 14:6).
At my initial baptism, in a Presbyterian church some 60 years ago, my parents, in effect, dedicated me to however much they knew of Christ and made big covenantal promises for me. But I left the church after a nominal confirmation of faith in 8th grade. Ironically, during my formative years in small-town Pleasantville and for generations to come, I enjoyed a close relationship with a Presbyterian pastor and his wife; my second “parents” encouraged me to “let go and let God.”
Reflecting on my family of origin, I know Mom imparted in me a love for God and for others that is expressed through volunteering. Inspired by Mother Teresa, among others, my mom adopted the poor, the sick and the dying as her life’s calling. I do not have a Mother Teresa moment, perhaps you do. But as she gave neighbor care and hospice care to many for decades, I am inspired to do the same where I live.
From Dad, who worked 55 years for one company, I inherited a loyal work ethic. Like Dad, I yearn for that long-term workplace or beloved community from which I can one day happily retire as “a company man”; InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF) and Middleton Outreach Ministry (MOM) came close, now I have High Point Church. Will I find another…?
Showing up, year after year, day after day—that’s what Gruens do… what successful workers, parents, volunteers and chaplains do. Co_workers were the family that stood by him after his 27-year marriage to my mom ended in 1975. Sadly, their divorce is another instance of “like father, like son.” Dad may well have worked himself out of a marriage, or perhaps worked as much as he did because his marriage didn’t. I had one such marriage-work relationship fall apart the first time around.
Act II: In a Mid-Life Crisis. The arc that began with marriage to Christ,… graduation from college and seminary,… marriage to the first girl I dated after Christ,… and growing through the ranks of IVCF took a dive. Twelve years later I’m divorced (from both wife and ministry)—precipitating a mid-life crisis of faith and moral values.
My divorce and its aftermath (loss of job, unstable housing, lost time with kids) were very painful and were postponed for as long as I could. I hope my sons escape the legacy of my divorce, but instead imitate the wonderfully redemptive and reciprocal love relationship I enjoy the second time around. So far, so good. Fast forward 20 years, and I see it was me who had trouble not wanting son Eric to leave me for another. But that’s life and marriage as designed by God. Neither is possible without letting go. Married people “leave, cleave, and become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), as I also know from saying “I do” to Sue.
Marketing myself as the Executive Editor of “The Gruen Group,” I caught on as a freelance writer and editor with 16 different Christian publishers, producing over 40 books and Bible products, even one entitled Strategies for a Successful Marriage. (Yes, more irony; I must add that failure is a good teacher).
We get referrals from our church for counseling people going through divorce. Sue and I start Divorce Care, with over 50 broken people going through 13-week group sessions in our home. We co-lead Stephen Ministry for eight years, engaging 100’s of broken people, directly and indirectly. Ministry to the poor and broken-hearted came to define my life and ministry more and more when I became the Executive Director of MOM.
Act III: The End Game. My eventual departure from MOM (after 11 wonderful years, 1997-2008), as well as my divorce after 11 years married to IVCF and to Connie, are very instructive. So are the deaths of my parents. Such life transitions prompt self-awareness for chaplaincy (I now get more referrals for funerals), as I can identify with others in their losses.
I believe everything happens for a purpose,… that our choices are meaningful and consequential,… that God has wired us a certain way and that our lives unfold by some Intelligent Design. This narrative arc seems to bend toward chaplaincy. Time will tell. So will this story-telling exercise.
May this exercise provide clues in discerning the next career move for you, as well. To get started: Interview yourself. Make a timeline, clustering the decades into beginning, middle and end. Connect the dots. Is there a key question or conflict that needs resolving? Any big dream of yours sidetracked? Do you put yourself down or make excuses for where you are now, or do you believe the best is yet to come—and why? Follow the repeat themes and ironic twists. Let go and let God.